I’m majoring in pre-law myself Oh no, no no. Bad idea, trust me. Being a lawyer is the worst Now stand back and let me tell you my tale of woe. Twenty years old, pretty smart kid Didn’t know what I wanted to do So I took the LSAT and then just like that Got accepted at Glendale U Everyone said it was a real safe bet A prestigious and lucrative vocation So I set out on a journey to become an attorney without a moment’s hesitation But here’s some free advice I’m giving When it comes to deciding what to do for a living Don’t be a lawyer Don’t do it, quickest way to ruin your life Don’t be a lawyer Not worth it, it’ll leave you dead inside The job is inherently crappy That’s why you’ve never met a lawyer who’s happy It’s a guaranteed soul destroyer Don’t be a lawyer Law school debt, daily regret, is that what you dreamed of as a kid, or did you hope one day that you’d find a way to spend four years working on a pharmaceutical company’s merger with another pharmaceutical company Your only expertise is running up fees speaking legalese like a dick But it’s not too late to avoid this fate, find any other job to pick. Sure, your parents might think you’re a failure But no one’s ever said “first let’s kill all the tailors!” Don’t be a lawyer I’m serious, it really really sucks Don’t be a lawyer No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal There are so many other professions that don’t turn you into Jeff Sessions Just say no to the lawyer employer Don’t be a lawyer What about human rights law? No money, no no money Environmental law? No money, even less money Immigration law? No money, plus it’s a bummer Okay, but what if one day you make it to the Supreme Court? It’d be great to be on the Supreme Court But you’ll never be on the Supreme Court There’s truly no chance of that happening The preceding song in no way reflects the views of CBS or The CW network Ah, screw it See? Don’t be a lawyer!