A Clockwork Disaster – A Love Letter To Heaven’s Lost Property [Part 8]

A Clockwork Disaster – A Love Letter To Heaven’s Lost Property [Part 8]


Last time on Heaven’s Lost Property: the
writers had a collective stroke and made the anime equivalent of a getting kidnapped and
having your bone marrow removed with a rusty ice pick. They took the best character in the manga,
threw away everything that made her such, and brought her back for a quarter-assed attempt
at a climax before quickly wrapping up by handwaving away that she was just magically
good and a main character now. Meanwhile, I lost all faith in both the franchise
and the whole of humanity, and spent my time alternating between screaming at the top of
my lungs and sitting in bewildered silence contemplating the feasibility of suicide. So… hopes weren’t high for the movie. Announced at the very end of Episode 12 of
Forte, Heaven’s Lost Property: A Clockwork Angeloid, was the TV anime’s very first
major motion picture, set to premiere in Japanese theaters that summer, on June 25th, 2011. And here’s the thing, right? I was actually, excited for it back then. I mean, how could I not be? It was MORE SnO! You have to understand that at the time, I
hadn’t even begun to grasp just how much they had fucked up with the anime. By the time Forte ended, the manga only went
up to around Chapter 45 or so, and Chaos wasn’t really anything special at that point in time. All that hate and animosity from Part 7 was
all only realized well after the fact. It was only years later, when far more of
the manga had come out, that I finally understood the full extent of what they had done, and
that my hated began to boil and fester. And that’s why therapy is important kids! Don’t be like Syy. Don’t hold in your anger 8 fucking years
and become a monster like him. But as I said, I was excited for it back then,
and judging purely from the trailer, the movie looked set to adapt Chapters 34 – 42, AKA
Hiyori’s arc, with a few extra comedy chapters thrown in for good measure. So, once Forte had ended, I waited the 6 months
until the movie was released in Japan, but of course, I couldn’t go to Japan. So I waited, and waited. An entire year past, during which my hyped
bounced back and forth within me like Flubber, slowly gaining in speed and intensity for
the day that I would finally lay eyes upon this masterpiece. And finally, almost exactly a year after it
had first premiered in Japan, at a point when I couldn’t contain my hype anymore, the
first subbed torrent of the movie was finally released, and I practically exploded with
joy. About an hour and a half later, that child
was dead. He didn’t look it, he still walked around
and talked and shit, but if you looked close enough, you could see that he was well and
truly dead inside. Oh, poor sweet child… if only he knew. But here’s the funny thing, it didn’t
have to be this way. As I said in Part 7, what they did to Chaos
would invariably ruin any event in the manga in which she took part, which is most of it,
but Chaos gets trapped at the bottom of the ocean around Chapter 30 and then doesn’t
reappear until Chapter 45, and those 15 intervening chapters are Hiyori’s arc. So by adapting that section of the manga,
this movie contains the last vestiges of plot they could’ve possibly adapted faithfully
after what they did to Chaos. So it was never a certainty that it would
suck. But let’s face it. The same writers that did what they did to
Chaos, were still the fucking assholes in charge of this movie. It sucking might not have been a certainty,
but it was pretty much inevitable, like clockwork you might say. But even I couldn’t have expected just how
truly wretched this.. piece of shit could possibly be. And let me clarify really quick, nothing in
this movie gets to the same level of true horrendousness that Chaos eating fish did. Nothing here is THAT bad. Oh it’s bad, but it’s not THAT bad. But even if it isn’t the objectively worst
thing to ever happen to the anime, the movie does hold a special place in my heart as being
my wake-up call. The thing that took that innocent child, filled
with love, passion, and pure devotion for everything SnO, willing to look past even
Chaos and the fish, and finally shook him awake to just how truly atrocious the world
can be sometimes. Clockwork Angeloid isn’t the worst thing
flying SnO’s flag, but it was the original thing that killed it for me. If you’ve ever watched a video of mine and
thought, “Why is he so cynical and negative all the time?” well, this movie played a big part in building
that person. And I thank it for that, sincerely! Which is why, using the skills it taught me,
I will now both receive immense enjoyment from, and to take great care to, rip this
movie to bloody, quivering pieces. So enough stalling! Let’s take a look at Heaven’s Lost Property:
A Clockwork Angeloid. So the movie starts in a weird place, in medias
res halfway into Chapter 42, except not really, because “In Medias Res” sorta dicates
that the audience eventually finds out what’s going on, which we don’t, a lesson they
sadly never learnt. A more accurate description might me, “The
movie, for no reason at all, starts halfway into Chapter 42. I thought it might’ve been to establish
the comedic tone, but even that doesn’t work, because this scene isn’t funny so
much as it is confusing because of the absence of context, even for someone like me who’s
seen the show, let alone all those poor parents who got dragged to this piece of crap. And, I could complain about this scene more,
but I think it says enough that it’s so pointless to the rest of the movie that I
can just ignore it completely and you won’t miss anything. Oh weird, I wonder that number is? So after that, we cut to Daedalus in Synapse,
who finally gives us a handle on some context with a recap! Does she explain like, what the Synapse is,
or maybe mention Minos and all the people sleeping in pods since they’ll be relevant
later? No, none of that. She instead tells us that she was the creator
of these things called Angeloids. She doesn’t explain what they are or what
they can do, just that she made some things called Angeloids, and that’s all we’ve
got to go on apparently. She then pontificates on the morality of giving
them emotions and all these combat powers in the first place, wondering if they would’ve
been better off if she has just left good enough alone, which is uhh – really dumb. “Yeah guys, they forgot their original purpose
as abused slaves because I gave them lasers and shit. Damn.”. Wow, that scene was pointless. Anyway we thankfully cut from that to – oh
hi footage from Season 2! Wow – WOW! We’re like, five fucking minutes into this
garbage, and they’re already recycling animation wholesale. Like, they didn’t do jack shit to this,
it is LITERALLY just footage from Season 2! Like when I take an old episode, slap it in
my editing program, and cut out the clip I need, except I’m a YouTuber, and this is
a film produced by a professional company that people had to pay money to watch. And – HI, you didn’t even cut Sugata out
of this shot! YOU CAN STILL SEE HIM. How fucking lazy can you get? What 4 year old edited this? And oh boy, get used to asking that question
folks. So we then cut to Ikaros imprisoned in the
cage she was locked up in before falling to Earth in episode one, and it’s here that
I have to pause and explain something. I want to take you into my head, so you can
know just a fraction, just a tiny amount, of the thoughts that run through my mind on
a per-second basis. So here’s the scene, and here’s my unbroken
stream of consciousness while watching it. So I see Ikaros hanging here, and my first
thought, after pausing to admire the craftsmanship that went into the excessively detailed shot
of her tits, is I to think, “Wait, why were there other cages?”. I mean, okay, Ikaros was locked up after her
tantrum because she’s strong to the point that they could barely stop her, so she posed
too big a danger to continue operations. That makes sense. But presumably Ikaros’s cage would’ve
only been purpose built AFTER she destroyed most of Synapse, right? That would make sense? But I count 5 total cages in this shot alone,
which raises the question, how often do you need to eternally imprison an Angelroid? Yeah, Ikaros is a danger, I get that, but
any other Angeloid could just be reprogrammed, right? Who else would you even want to lock up here? Astraea maybe, but Nymph’s nowhere near
strong enough to warrant that. And who else would be deserving of a cage? The cleaning Angeloids? Like what, if they forgot to the dishes one
day, you send them to eternal imprisonment in the fucking pointless cages outside? But then like I said, just reinstall her Linux
or whatever, and that would probably solve the issue. Or you think they have some sex Angeloids
locked up because their performance wasn’t up to standard? Speaking of, I wonder if Minos ever took Nymph
here for some BDSM shit? As demonstrated by the lovely shot of Ikaros’s
tits, there’s tons of potential for bondage play here, and god knows there are a couple
of fan artists out there who would love to jump all over that if it was canon. But I mean, that’s if bondage would even
begin to satisfy Minos at this point. God, you think humans are fucked up NOW when
it comes to the shit that gets us off? Imagine if that train of weirdness were left
unchecked in someone’s mind for billions of years. You probably wouldn’t even need to be touching
his penis anymore. At this point he can probably only get off
to like, licking the eyeballs of orphans or some shit. And… pause! There ya go folks, that is EXACTLY what it’s
like being me and watching this. Every smallest little detail they get wrong,
my brain locks in and then hyper focuses on, to the point that I just spent like, two minutes
going on the most ADHD possible rant about there being more than one cage, a completely
irrelevant background detail of a two second shot. And it’s not just this once scene, it’s
like this the ENTIRE movie, or fuck, my entire life! I can’t turn it off, but I CAN’T let it
go on like this. I’ve got way more important shit to talk
about then calling out every slightest continuity error or stupid bit of narration they make. So instead, here’s a counter of everything
I COULD’VE bitched about, which I’ll bring up at the end of the video in a Lightning
Round! Hopefully with it’s help, this video will
come out under a century long. So where was I? Oh right, Ikaros was falling, and I swear
it’s only just occurred to me, but why is this happening during the daytime? Ikaros fell at night in Episode 1. And no, I’m NOT putting that on the counter,
because while this is a nitpick, it’s a VERY SIGNIFICANT nitpick, because it just
highlights how few shits they gave making this steaming turd. You think SOMEONE, at SOME POINT would have
checked the footage from EPISODE 1. Like maybe, I dunno, while they were stealing
all the other footage from Episode 1! [static] So as Ikaros reenacts that shot from the opening,
we get our titlecard – Heaven’s Lost Property – A Clockwork Angeloid. And thus begins, the recap. The FUCKING recap. Now this is where anyone coming into A Clockwork
Angeloid expecting a movie, from such paltry evidence as the word “movie” appearing
all over the place in the advertising and the fact that people had to pay for movie
tickets and buy Blu-Rays before they’d deign to let us watch it, are going to be disappointed. Because this isn’t a movie. It’s a glorified OVA, with stolen footage
padding out it’s pathetic actual runtime to an hour and a half. Because, for the next 40. FUCKING. MINUTES. I repeat! 40. FUCKING. MINUTES. The movie is just a recap. Nothing but a stitched together abomination
of shit you’ve already seen, with the express purpose of stealing your money and wasting
your time. Now the problems with The Recap are as numerous
as they are varied, so I’ve created a helpful itemized list, dubbed, “Why This Is The
Worst Thing Since Cancer”, to help streamline your understanding. Why This Is The Worst Thing Since Cancer:
#1 – It’s Not Actually Recapping Anything. You see, I might refer to it as a recap, but
trust me, actually telling you anything about the plot was the furthest thing from the genuine
intentions behind this. It’s not hard at all to do a recap that
doesn’t last for 40 fucking minutes. In fact, you could probably pretty comprehensively
cover the basics of everything about SnO’s plot in 5 minutes or less, if that was the
actual goal. But it’s incredibly obvious to even the
most uncritical eye that that’s not the case, because they show exactly NOTHING related
to the plot, in 40 minutes. No Daedalus, no Minos, no fight between Ikaros
and Nymph, no backstory on Ikaros being a weapon, no Harpies, no Chaos, nothing. Believe it or not, they don’t even bother
to show the scene of Ikaros imprinting onto Tomoki from Episode 1, which you’d think
that if they were going to show ANYTHING in a recap, let alone in a 40 fucking minute
recap, that’d be like, on top of the priority list, right? Nope! So if the recap fails miserably at recapping
ANYTHING about the TV anime, the logical question would be, “What’s the point of it then?” Why This Is The Worst Thing Since Cancer:
#2 – It’s Literally All Filler. 40 minutes of shameless filler. 40 minutes of disjointed comedy scenes that
not only fail completely at the stated intention of telling the audience what the fuck is going
on, but that also screw up even being funny without the crucial context that made them
such in the show. It honestly, truly feels like I’m watching
a YouTube video. A “SORA NO OTOSHIMONO FUNNY SCENES” compilation
edited together by some 12-year-old in the most disjointed and unfocused way possible. No narrative structure, no purpose, no rhyme
or reason, just, “Hey, here’s a bunch of scenes I thought were funny, and when one
ends, I’ll smash cut abruptly to the next one!”. For 40. Fucking. Minutes. Why This Is The Worst Thing Since Cancer:
#3 – No, Japan Being Weird Doesn’t Excuse This
Look, I know that recap movies are popular with Japanese animation studios, and from
a business standpoint, I’ll even concede that it makes perfect sense. Why not double or even triple dip on profits
by reusing animation you’ve already made before? If people will pay money for it, and apparently
they will, well, why not? But there are TWO major differences between
this and how an anime recap movie is usually done. Why This Is The Worst Thing Since Cancer:
#3 – Subsection A: Coherency As stated before, the SnO recap has no coherency
and utterly fails at what it’s trying to be. If I walked into the Madoka recap movie knowing
nothing about Madoka, at the very least by the end of the movie, I would know this is
Madoka, that magical girls exist, and that they fight Witches! Conversely, if I just watched Clockwork Angeloid’s
recap, I wouldn’t be able to tell you shit for dick about ANYTHING regarding the story
or characters. In fact, it’s my pet theory that the ONLY
reason that Daedalus recap at the start of the movie exists is because otherwise, everyone
watching this would have no idea what any of the Angeloids’ names are, because the
recap sure as hell doesn’t bother to tell you! Why This Is The Worst Thing Since Cancer:
#3 – Subsection B: Truthfulness in Advertising People walking into something like Madoka
Eternal or Gurren-hen KNEW that they were recaps. All the marketing for both very clearly established
that if you paid money to see them, you’d be paying for chopped up scenes from the TV
series, with maybe a few bits of original animation here and there. A Clockwork Angeloid conversely, was marketed
both as a completely original work and as a continuation of the main plot. And not only did the trailers and assorted
marketing for this movie not even HINT at the presence of a 40 minute recap, but they
also didn’t bother to mention that several of the scenes they do show, AREN’T in the
movie. Like, look at this shit. There are 10 separate cuts of animation in
this trailer, and of those 10 cuts, 6 of them are complete bullshit! Over half of this trailer for the movie contains
things that aren’t in the movie! This scene isn’t in the movie, nor is this,
or this, this, this, or this. So what does this mean? That AIC ASTA and Kadokawa are A-grade bullshit
artists? Potentially yeah, but I actually have a less
cynical theory. It is my hypothesis that, originally, A Clockwork
Angeloid was in fact planed to not only include all those scenes from the trailer, but also
to spend the entire runtime telling Hiyori’s arc, just as promised. However, a troubled development cycle meant
they had to completely rework the movie at the last second, taking bits and pieces of
what they’d already created, throwing out several scenes and probably entire plotlines,
and stitching together whatever remained in a mad dash attempt to meet the release date,
while simultaneously creating The Recap to fill in the missing holes and stretch the
runtime out to an hour and a half. I don’t have any concrete proof of that,
granted, but I do have some conjecture. In late 2010, a few months before Forte began
airing, AIC and all of its subsidiaries, including our own AIC ASTA, were bought by Oizumi, a
pachinko manufacturer, along with all the IP rights they owned. Oizumi subsequently had AIC’s animation
divisions help create some fresh cuts and other assorted artwork for a few of their
properties, like “Is This A Zombie?” “Strike Witches”, and notably for our
purposes, Heaven’s Lost Property. Yeah, SnO got a pachinko game, but it doesn’t
end there. Once Oizumi had bled all of AIC’s properties
dry, it subsequently sold them LESS THAN 7 MONTHS LATER to Aplix Corporation, an advertising
firm who intended to use them to make anime commercials for Samsung phones in China and
Southeast Asia. And it’s important to note WHEN exactly
AIC was flipped, in March 10th, 2011, just 3 months after Clockwork Angeloid had been
announced, and 3 months before it was due to arrive in theaters. Right smack dab in the middle of production. Based on that, you wanna know that I think
happened? I think AIC ASTA had finished making half
of Clockwork Angeloid, but then their new corporate masters in China didn’t give a
shit about some fanservice vehicle they had promised to make, and told them to throw together
something vaguely resembling a finished product from what they’d already made, and to just
publish that to fulfill the obligation. That would explain EVERYTHING. The Recap, the fake marketing, why the movie
feels half-finished, the abundance of plot holes, and all the go-nowhere scenes we’ll
talk about later on. It would also explain why Eternal My Master
was the only SnO anime adaptation NOT made by AIC ASTA, but was instead picked up by
Production IMS; which if A-1 Pictures is the McDonalds of anime, then Production IMS is
the Burger King – almost exactly the same thing, just less popular. You might know Production IMS for such classics
as, Hundred, Masou Gakuen HxH, and Gonna Be The Twintail! And if Eternal My Master’s abysmal quality
suddenly snapped perfectly into place once you realized it was made by the same hacks
that my Gonna Be The Twintail, then don’t worry because you weren’t the only one. Also, wanna hear the sad conclusion to AIC’s
story arc? 3 years after Aplix bought them, for 8.5 Million,
they had failed so abysmally that they they sold AIC back to it’s original CEO for,
get this, $70! No, not 70 Million dollars, not 70 Thousand
dollars, 70 dollars! As in, not even enough to buy a Blu Ray of
Clockwork Angeloid. But that seems to have been done mostly for
the sake of the thing, because AIC hasn’t made anything in the last 4 years, and so
is for all intents and purposes – dead. So, that’s why I think the recap happened. Now, does that mean we’re done talking about
it, or ready to forgive AIC for it? …Nope! It means we’re done talking about the broad
strokes of The Recap, now we get to dig into the nitty gritty of exactly why and how it’s
awful! You see, knowing their tragic backstory doesn’t
make this movie any less of an abortion, and I don’t intend to be any kinder to it because
of that. It’s still a commercial work of art that
they charged a frankly insane amount of money for, and it’s still a blight on my favorite
manga. So the recap is framed like this – it starts
by introducing us to a “sort of” new character, Kazane Hiyori, and I say sort of because we
have technically already seen her as a background three times in Forte, once in the forest outside
of Suguta’s camp, once as an angel laying inside a pod in The Synapse, and once as an
extra in the pool episode, but this is our first official introduction to her. We almost immediately flash back to, “The
first time I became aware of him.” The following Anime Original scene depicts
Hiyori in a cooking class when Tomoki accidentally bumps into her, spilling her ingredients over
the ground. He offers his hand, she looks up, and it’s
love at first sight! Uhg… Look, I’m gonna level with you. I’ll be the first to admit that Hiyori’s
not that great a character. She’s really one-note, and a lot of her
arc either doesn’t make sense or is done really poorly, but one of the few things I
think Suu Minazuki got REALLY right with her, is her reasons for falling in love with Tomoki. In the manga, Hiyori’s admiration for Tomoki
comes from the fact that she was ostensibly living a double life. As mentioned in Part 4, we’re told that
Hiyori’s parents died two years ago, and she’s had to take on the surrogate mother
role for her younger brothers, and now has to manage the farmland they left behind, in
addition to maintaining her active social life at school, and has decided to keep that
part of her life a secret. Meanwhile, she sees Tomoki doing whatever
he wants whenever he wants, and is envious of that freedom, gradually growing to admire
him from afar for that reason, up until she reaches a breaking point and decides to both
join the New World Discovery Club and to ask Tomoki out. Despite the shortcomings of her arc, that
bit all makes sense and squares away nicely. The movie manages to ruin even this, because
now it’s just love at first sight. That’s it. She saw him, realized he was the main character,
and instantly wants to ride his mushroom for no reason. Why…. just why? Why? Why did they feel the need to change that? What possible reason do they have to take
away character development she had in the manga!? What does it add to the movie to shove in
this scene and retcon her interesting reasons for falling in love with him into utterly
generic Disney princess bullshit? Oh, and it actually gets even better later
on, because there’s a later Anime Original scene where it turns out they ACTUALLY friends
when they were kids, and they’ve both just forgotten about it. And oh, if you were worried the shitty retcons
would end there, boy are you gonna be happy! Because the framing device for every scene
in The Recap, is constant, never-ending Hiyori retconning. And as you would expect, that too is done
in the laziest POSSIBLE way. They show a scene from the TV anime, it goes
on for like 2 minutes, and then they cut to a shot of Hiyori also watching the scene,
and repeat. FOR 40 FUCKING MINUTES. So you see, even though we’ve never so much
as heard her name before now, Hiyori’s actually been in the show the WHOLE TIME! And it’s just, it’s so funny – in a really
sad way – how most of them are literally just minutes long scenes of random bullshit, and
then we cut to a single 2 second long shot of Hiyori staring blankly, and THAT WAS THE
JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT SCENE, APPARENTLY! MOVING ON! Hey – hey, hey, hey… did you know that Hiyori
was there when the group made curry in Episode 3? Yup, she was picking random shit from a bush
for no reason! Hey, did you know that Hyori’s underwear
also got caught up in the flying panty fiasco? Hey, did you know that Hiyori was the one
who grew the candy apples Nymph ate at the Festival in episode 8? Yup! God knows where she grew apples since we only
ever see her at the one plot of land. Oh, maybe they were what she was picking from
that bush! Hey, did you know that Hiyori was in the audience
watching Tomoki perform in Episode 10? Yup, there she is, right there! WHY? Why the fuck do we need to know that Hiyori
was in the audience watching Tomoki preform? What does it add to the story or to either
of their characters to know that? Oh I’ll tell you what it adds. About 40 minutes to the fuckin’ runtime! This is like, Star Wars prequels levels of
horrible retconning. Everything has to be explained, every possible
lingering plot thread has to be connected, ALL to Hiyori. Nymph wasn’t just eating any candy apples
at the festival, they’re the ones Hyori grew! Astraea didn’t just decide to eat rabbit
food because it’s something that’s totally in line with other things her character has
done, Hiyori had to be the one who told her about it! You know, watching this, I’m legitimately
shocked they didn’t make Hiyori the one who grew Ikaros’s watermelon. “I can help you grow watermelons if you
want, Mrs. Ikaros.” Oh my god, I WAS KIDDING! REALLY? REALLY. Hiyori was the one who taught Ikaros how to
grow Watermelons? So that watermelon patch we saw in Forte,
that was because of Hiyori too was it? Oh my god, there is NOT a middle finger big
enough for this bullshit! And while I’m complaining, there is a ridiculous
amount of Hiyori fanservice in this recap, and the thing is, none of it’s FUNNY fanservice. None of it’s for the sake of a joke or the
result of anything funny, it’s just, “Hey, here’s a random upskirt.” or, “Hey,
here’s Hiyori during that hot spring Episode!”. No rhyme or reason, just fanservice for fanservice’s
sake, which has never been SnO’s style. SnO’s fanservice is almost always in service
of the comedy, but now it’s just “there”. This is the kinda shit that feels like some
producer somewhere made a quota of panty shots the studio had to meet so that the slack jawed
drooling Mongoloids in the audience would be so distracted by the tits onscreen, that
they wouldn’t notice how horrible the movie they’re watching is and demand a refund. Okay… so, that’s everything wrong with
the recap, or well…, everything important that’s wrong with the recap, which means,
5000 words in, we can finally start talking about the actual new content! Jesus Christ, someone kill me. So 45 minutes in, the movie finally fucking
starts, with Hiyori walking into the New World Discovery club room, and asking to join. We see Suguta flashback to seeing Hiyori’s
Angel lying in a pod in Synapse, as he tries to figure out what it all means. He initially is going to reject her, upon
suspicion of her being a spy for The Synapse or something, but Mikako mentions that a new
member would bump up the size of their club to the “Medium” rank, and raise their
budget considerably, as Suguta rushes to congratulate Hiyori on joining. Tomoki initially turns to leave, but Mikako
informs him that security for Medium clubs is much higher, and that he’ll be forced
to attend every day from now on. Being tortured by Mikako on a daily basis
doesn’t work for Tomoki though, so he conspires to get Hiyori to quit the club by making her
take part in his usual shtick. However, both unfortunately for, and unbeknownst
to Tomoki, Hiyori has a massive crush on him, so getting to spend time with him only increases
her resolve, and confronted with an immovable object, Tomoki’s force eventually stops. So I hope you got your fill of plot there,
because it’s time for yet more ANIME ORIGINAL filler! What, you thought 45 minutes of filler at
the start of the movie would get us to that coveted hour and a half mark? Not even close! So now we have a 4 minute montage of everyone
hanging out together, with yet more Hiyori fanservice thrown in for no reason, then they
go fishing, then they go hang gliding, then Hiyori and Ikaros go out on a date and talk
about watermelons apropos of nothing, and, “Oh, what’s this?” a scene from the
manga? How delightfully unexpected. Well I say that, but it’s also a filler
comedy scene, which normally I wouldn’t mind, but since we’re currently an hour
into the movie and only at about a 10% Plot to Filler ratio right now, it can go suck
a dick too, manga adaptation or not. Oh, and don’t worry if you thought we might
at least get some funny filler since its manga material, because in one of the most bizarre
scenes in the entire movie – and just think about that for a second – in one of the most
bizzare scenes IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE, they show us the buildup to the comedy scene, but then
proceed cut out the comedy scene! No, I’m serious, this shit has to be seen
to be believed. So what’s supposed to happen, is that Sohora,
Nymph, and Astraea are all sitting around wondering why someone as popular as Hiyori
has been spending so much time with Tomoki lately, until Mikako bursts in and suggests
that it’s because he has blackmail on her. They buy it and burst into Tomoki’s room
demanding the photos, and when he denies it, start forcibly searching the room, and eventually
end up mistakenly activating a Card that transports them to a train inside Tomoki’s mind. Every few minutes the train stops at a station
called something like, “A date with Tomoki” or “A kiss with Tomoki” and if they get
off there they have to do the thing, and the severity increases over time. Eventually they jump off and have to cuddle
with Tomoki naked, before finally being transported back to reality, whereupon Hiyori bursts in,
see’s Tomoki’s wounds, and starts caring for him while explaining to them all that
there was never any blackmail. And it’s like, a character building moment
for all of them right? It makes them all confront their feelings
towards Tomoki directly, it makes them feel bad both for assuming malice on his part in
the first place, and seeing Hiyori dote on him as he suffers from the wounds that they
themselves gave him, makes them wonder if Tomoki might be better off with Hiyori instead
of any of them. Throw in a good laugh here and there and splash
of funny fanservice – It’s a good chapter. So… in the movie… they have the conversation
about Tomoki blackmailing Hiyori, go to confront him about it, Tomoki denies it, and then Hiyori
shows up, tells them they’re wrong, and they go, “…Oh” and apologise. That’s it. Like… you do know you’re supposed to be
a comedy, right movie? You’re supposed to be making COMEDY scenes
that make people laugh, not scenes where people talk through their misunderstandings and come
to reasonable conclusions. Because that’s not funny. You can’t – YOU CAN’T cut the comedy scene,
KEEP the buildup, and then piss on the spark of intrigue until it fizzles out! You remember my theory from earlier? That the movie a stitched together Frankenstein’s
Monster of thrown away scenes? This is the scene that REALLY confirms that
theory for me. Because guess what? Those fake shots in the trailer earlier? Two of them were OF the Tomoki Train scene,
so I think they PLANNED to include it, but then something happened. Maybe my theory about the Chinese company
putting the ixnay on production, perhaps the budget ran out, or maybe the entire writing
staff threw themselves onto Chaos’s wings to atone for their sins, as well they should,
but regardless, I think they PLANNED to include the whole scene but then just couldn’t,
and had to cut it. Also, if you’ve watched Eternal My Master,
this whole thing might seem weirdly familiar to you, because they actually REDO this whole
scene in that movie, and shock upon shock, remembered to include the funny bit that time! Of course that means they have to have all
three of those characters get mad at Tomoki AGAIN in the exact same way, but for a different
reason, which unintentionally makes them all look like shallow awful people who’ll learn
a lesson one second and then completely forget it the next, but baby steps here people. We’re only dealing with a team of professional
writers adapting source material that’s literally being hand-fed to them, you can’t
expect them to be able to write a consistent story ALL the time. Anyways, Hiyori coming out to defend Tomoki
meant she had to reveal her farming thing, but she’s shocked to discover that Tomoki
is incredibly approving of her hobby, which is the grain of sand that finally tips the
scales as we see Hiyori straight up tell him, “I’m in love with you.” before asking him out on a date. So… we’ve reached the end game. This is where like, 20 things go wrong all
at once, and just… dig in because I’ve got some expositing to do. SO, I’m gonna go back, and explain this
whole arc to you in the manga, so you can once again gain an appreciation for just how
many things have changed and just how shitty the changes are. So the first time we see Hiyori in the manga
is in Chapter 24, which was adapted in episode 5 of Forte. Suguta infiltrates the Synapse with Sohora,
but he’s surprised to find that the whole place seems completely abandoned except for
the Angeloids keeping the place clean. Eventually he comes across a high-tech dome
where he finds thousands of Angels asleep in pods, one of which looks exactly like Hiyori. They’re forced to leave by The Harpies,
and as they return, he tells Nymph what he saw. She can’t tell him what it means, but she
does say, “Don’t worry, YOU are real.” Then we of course meet Hiyori in person at
the end of Chapter 34 when she knocks on the door of the New World Discovery Club and asks
to join, which as we discussed earlier, is motivated by a desire to get closer to Tomoki. There are NO flashbacks trying to cram Hiyori
into previous events in the series thank fuck, but Suguta does let her in because of the
club budget thing, Tomoki does try to make her to quit which ultimately doesn’t work,
all of that was accurate. Then the rest of Chapters 35, 36, and 37 and
slice of life comedy chapters whose purpose is to essentially ingrain Hiyori as a character
in the main dynamic of the story. At the end of Chapter 37, Hiyori tells Tomoki
she loves him, but unlike the movie, doesn’t immediately ask him out on a date. She just says that she’ll give him time
to think about his reply and leaves it at that. The next night he see’s Hiyori while walking
around, they have a little impromptu date under the cherry blossom tree, and on the
way back, Tomoki begins to answer Hiyori’s confession, but as he looks up at her, he
sees too late a truck who’s driver has fallen asleep at the wheel. He tries to reach her in time, but she’s
hit, and with a sickening crunch – dies. Almost as soon as she’s hit, a brilliant
light erupts from her, and her body begins to disintegrate in the telltale way that implies
Synapse-level technology is behind it. And as Tomoki looks upon her disappearing
body, he can physically feel his memories of Hiyori being deleted one by one. Suguta, who was at the time infiltrating the
Synapse again, realizes his memories are disappearing as well, and rushes past the Harpies and into
the dome, only to see Hiyori’s Angel sitting upright in her pod, the realization hitting
her as well. She turns and sees Suguta, calling out to
him, but he replies, “Who… are you?”. Hiyori’s Angel bursts into tears, and frantically
starts typing on her pod’s keypad, begging to see the same dream again, until Minos enters
from Stage Right. He tells us that everyone’s memories of
Hiyori are being erased because of “The System”, but notices that one person is
still hanging on – Sakurai Tomoki. Back down on the surface Tomoki is madly sprinting
around town trying to figure out what happened while keeping desperate hold of his memories,
until Ikaros and Nymph approach him with guilty faces. He demands an explanation, but just as Ikaros
starts, Nymph interjects, yelling, “Don’t Alpha! The Deletion won’t work if he knows the
truth!” but Tomoki grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her, and yells, “Say it!”. And with tears in her eyes, she says, “That
around you… Hiyori isn’t the only one who’s not real!”,
as the last of Tomoki’s memories are finally stolen away. …”Huh. What was I doing? Oh well, time for dinner!”. Chapter 39 begins with Nymph idly watching
the weather report and trying to deal with the guilt of what she allowed to happen to
Tomoki. Ikaros wants to tell the truth, but Nymph
decides that if they can just make Tomoki happy, they’d be able to forget the horrible
memories from the night prior. So, after being inspired by one of Tomoki’s
porn mags, they try dressing up like maids (another scene from the trailer that isn’t
in the movie) giving him a message, cooking him a fancy dinner, and in a wonderful bit
of foreshadowing, cleaning out his ears because they’d be hurting all day. But regardless of what the task is, Ikaros
is able to effortlessly outclass Nymph when it comes to taking care of Tomoki. So in a desperate final attempt to make Tomoki
happy and cause her bad memories go away, later that night she tries sleeping with him. Tomoki freaks out for a bit, but they both
eventually settle down and start a really nice conversation about how Nymph still wants
to imprint onto Tomoki, but he pushes back again saying he wants them all to be free. Nymph reaserts that at this point, it’s
less about her programing or wanting to be ordered around, and more because she actually
loves him. (Also, quick shout-out to just how ridiculously
far Nymph’s character has come since she was first introduced.) Anyways, this conversation gets abruptly cut
short as Tomoki beings screaming out in pain and bleeding from the ears, as the main trio
finally notices that the air pressure in the entire town has been rapidly falling to below
survivable levels. They realize it’s because The Synapse has
sent a weather weapon that’s hiding inside of a giant tornado, so they fly to it, and
blast away it’s cover to reveal – Hiyori, who immediately begins to attack them. We cut to Daedalus screaming at Minos, “What
have you done? How could you turn a fellow Angel into an
Angeloid?”. He says, “I gave her what she wanted, I
let her see the same dream twice. Now Zeta, kill them all!” Nymph decides they have no choice but to destroy
Hiyori, figuring that since everyone’s forgotten about her, it won’t even matter. “No one… will be hurt…” but then Tomoki
appears behind her and says, “No Nymph, you’re the one who’d be hurt.” So Tomoki and the gang show up and reveal
that they all remember Hiyori because they have bullshit main character powers, as I
said, Hiyori’s arc isn’t the best in terms of writing quality, and come up with a plan
to hack into Hiyori and remove her imprinting, thus freeing her from Minos. They get Nymph up to her, but Hyori begins
counter hack her, trying to re-establish Nymph’s original imprinting to Minos. There’s a struggle of who’ll hack the
other, until Tomoki starts shouting, “This is an order Nymph, don’t you dare lose!”
– the order she’s been so desperately craving, something Tomoki hates doing but looks past
himself and does anyway to give her the confidence boost she needs at the moment – and she goes,
“Yes, Master…” and activates a mysterious power within herself, which we find out later
is The Self-Evolution Program: Pandora, allowing her to – just for a second – evolve in Nymph:
Version II. Minos yells at her, “Stop it Beta! Return to being my Angeloid and live in the
sky once again!” but Nymph screams back, “Shut up! You are no longer… MY MASTER!” and activates the Fundamental
Particle Jamming System: Aphrodite, which successfully outhacks Hiyori. They both pass out from the struggle, but
when Hiyori wakes up again she’s back to normal, and although the change into an Angeloid
is apparently permanent, she doesn’t seem to mind that much as having weather powers
will apparently help out a lot in her farming. She tells Tomoki that she’ll be quitting
the club, because she, “Knows who you like, at least.”, but leans in and gives him a
kiss goodbye, before successfully going back to her old life. OKAY. That’s Hiyori’s arc in the manga. So now that you know all that, we can talk
about how the movie fucked it up. So, as I was saying, Hiyori just asked out
Tomoki, along with – crucial change – specifically inviting him out on a date the next day. We cut to Suguta visiting Daedalus in Synapse,
and fuck – I forgot about this bullshit. You see, THIS is what I meant when I talked
about Chaos eating fish just infecting EVERYTHING like a cancer. In the manga, no one meets Daedalus until
the final chapter. But in the anime, since it’s established
they can just pop into her room whenever they want, it begs the question of why they don’t
do that all the time, why they don’t have her magic up a solution to solve all their
problems, or indeed why the don’t get her to just explain everything to them. Well Suguta has the same idea, asking her
to explain what was up with Hiyori’s Angel in the pod, but Daedalus just – decides not
to tell him for no reason except that if she did, it would break the plot. So Suguta says that he’ll just have to find
out himself, and walks out to go confront the Harpies and for all Daedalus knows – die
because she won’t tell him what should be trivial information, but again, the plot would
break if she did, so she doesn’t. AND BY THE WAY. I’ve been waiting for a good time to talk
about this, and since we just got a look of Chaos, I guess now’s as good a time as any. Yeah, um… “Where the fuck is Chaos?”. I mean, yes, we just saw her in the pod but…
why? Oh well I’ll tell you why! It’s because the writers realized that if
they had Chaos as a main character, she’d wreck Hiyori in the big boss battle later
instantly because she is unto a god, and because they didn’t want the the big final action
scene only be 5 seconds long, they had to find a way to write her out of the story. But no, I’m not gonna let you get away with
that one, AIC! So, why is she in the pod? Or the question I guess I’m really asking,
WHEN does this movie take place in the overall canon? The answer to which is, I don’t even think
the movie knows. We’re told that Chaos is in the pod because
Daedalus is still performing updates on her, which I guess means this movie takes place
between the ending of Episode 11, when Chaos gets put in that pod for updates, and the
end of Episode 12, when she is ostensibly fixed and released, right? Well for the longest time, that’s what I
assumed, BUT NO, because we see Hiyori at the pool in Episode 12, and she has very obviously
not been Angeloidified. So yeah, I legitimately don’t think the
movie knows when it takes place, because we’ve got some Lordran levels of timeline convolution
with this fucking plot, which is of course, like most of the other problems with the writing,
(and sing it with me!) an inevitable result of what they did to Chaos. Back on Earth, Hiyori is walking to her date
with Tomoki, and on the way gets hit by a bus. If I made that seem like it came wildly out
of nowhere, that’s because it did. So unlike in the manga, there’s no date
beneath the tree before this happens to give this any sense of weight or drama, it’s
during the daytime instead of at night which makes the whole thing franky laughable because
of how bright and colorful everything is, and in what is probably the biggest and most
drastic change the movie makes to the manga’s plot, Tomoki’s not even there to see it. He’s busy on top of the cliff waiting for
her, and as Hiyori disappears, Suguta realizing his memories are being erased, even though
Tomoki DOESN’T realize for no reason that is EVER explained, runs into the Dome to see
Hiyori, but in the anime she’s still asleep in her pod, which is yet ANOTHER shit change
that robs the scene of the tension and drama it had in the manga. No Hiyori frantically trying to relive the
same dream, no “Who are you?” line, no seeing Tomoki struggling to remember,
none of that. Just Hiyori sleeping, Minos walks in, talks
some shit, end of scene. And I’ll remind you that this scene was
supposed to end with Tomoki running frantically around town trying to figure out what’s
happened to Hiyori, which would’ve been, you know, tense and exciting! Instead, anime Tomoki still doesn’t know
shit for dick about of this. We just cut to Tomoki later that day waiting
on Hiyori while subconsciously fighting the memory loss, as Nymph tells him that Hiyori
had to cancel the date and he goes, “Oh, okay.” and goes home with no fuss whatsoever. Wow, I’m on the edge of my seat over here! Then we cut to Ikaros and Nymph talking about
telling him the truth, and then the single weirdest shot in the entire movie happens
as we randomly cut to a car driving down the road for as far as I can tell, NO REASON AT
ALL. And no, I’m not bullshiting you, watch this
scene! WATCH THIS SCENE AND THEN TRY TO EXPLAIN TO
ME THE PURPOSE OF THE CAR SHOT. I DARE YOU. [Scene]. Like… is it trying to symbolize like, the
fog appearing in Tomoki’s mind… and how if they told him the truth it would be like…
headlights shining through the fog? Maybe??? No, you know what’s WAY more likely than
this being some kind of half-assed symbolism? That they literally just cut to a car for
no fucking reason. It was probably one of the shots they forgot
to remove when they were Frankensteining this atrocity together. Well hey, you know what? I can randomly cut to cars too! AND MINE WILL BE THEMATICALLY RELEVANT. So like I said, they debate telling Tomoki
the truth, but Nymph decides to and try and make Tomoki happy instead. Then we instantly cut from that scene to Nymph
in bed trying to sleep with him, which is WRONG. THIS IS WRONG. In the manga, not only was Nymph seriously
traumatized by Tomoki yelling at her and had the guilt of it eating away at her, which
isn’t even in the movie, but she also tried like 10 other things first to make him happy
in a normal way before resorting to trying to sleep with him. But here, Tomoki hasn’t even noticed anything’s
wrong, and she just, jumps into bed with him. You can’t – YOU CAN’T DO THIS, MOVIE. You can’t rip random pages out of the manga,
and then tell the same story and expect it to make sense! Because now what was perfectly logical decision
and a nice development for Nymph’s arc has turned into a wildly out of character and
insanely jarring scene that doesn’t make any fucking sense! So – the next day! Oh what, there was supposed to be a fight
scene with Hiyori after that incredibly jarring out of character bullshit? Things were supposed to be interesting? Not in this goddamn movie! So, the next day, we cut to Tomoki at school
where we find out that no one else remembers Hiyori except for him for no reason, which
I would complain about, but the manga did that too, so whatever. So Tomoki’s like, “Hey remember Hiyori?”
and everyone’s like, “No.” and he goes, “That doesn’t make sense!” and runs
out of the room. Then we cut to Hiyori FINALLY waking the fuck
up, the dozy cow, and we have that scene where she freaks out, and makes a deal with Minos. Okay, so that scene’s still IN the movie,
they just moved it around for no reason and made it infinitely less tense and exciting. Makes sense, they do have a Boredom Quota
to fill after all. Then we cut to Tomoki running around on the
surface with slightly more urgency then I think the situation demands from his perspective. Him running around yelling at people made
sense when Hiyori had just died and subsequently disappeared in front of him, not so much here
where none of that is the case. So he runs around for a bit, and then bursts
into his home to see Ikaros and Nymph standing in the doorway looking guilty, and no movie,
I’m not gonna let that go either – WHY ARE THEY HERE? You just showed us there were in the same
clubroom as Tomoki! Yes I know this is how the scene played out
in the manga, but events have been changed so much from the manga that now it doesn’t
make sense! You mean to tell me they saw Tomoki run out
of the clubroom in search of Hiyori, then decided to walk home, change clothes, and
then stand in the doorway looking guilty for an indeterminate amount of time until Tomoki
finally showed up? AGAIN, all of this made sense when it was
minutes after Hiyori’s death, but you’ve fucked up the timeline so much at this point
that throwing in exact scenes from the manga doesn’t work anymore! Also, I should point out that we’re currently
1:17:00 minutes in, about 13 minutes away from the CREDITS, and EXACTLY NOTHING has
happened yet. In the Olympic Event of Time Wasting this
movie would force the judges to invent a Platinum medal because nothing else would be fitting
enough. But what the fuck ever – Tomoki collapses,
not from the air pressure as in the manga, but from resisting the System deleting his
memories. As everyone is gathered around him, Nymph’s
radar picks up something approaching from Synapse, and who could it be but Hiyori! Hiyori steps out of her pod and is happy for
a second, until her pod eats her – odd stylistic choice since nothing else from Synapse is
drawn this way but whatever – growing into a Crucifix Clock (a Cruiclock? A Clockafix?) and turning her into an Angeloid
who has but one order, kill Sakurai Tomoki! So three hours late and already drunk, the
Climax finally stumbles into the party, and if you thought this is where the movie would
finally stop being shit then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. So the first change on the dizzying pile you
might notice is that Hiyori isn’t a weather Angeloid in this movie, if that wasn’t made
clear by the title. Instead, we’re told that she actually controls
time, I suspect because they already gave the weather controlling thing to Chaos – and
once again, the cancer that infects everything. It’s honestly amazing, Chaos isn’t even
in the movie – the writers did everything they could to keep her out, and that plotline
is STILL fucking everything up. But the problem with Hiyori controlling time
now, is that being a weather Angeloid tied in REALLY well with her character in the manga! The staff that her power came from was called
Demeter, who was the goddess of harvest in Greek mythology, which you know, obviously
worked really well thematically with Hiyori – the farmer! But here she just controls time for no reason
– except she actually doesn’t because they fuck that part up to. You see, Hiyori doesn’t actually fight them
by controlling time. Now let’s just, say you’re the writer
of Clockwork Angeloid… and I haven’t found out where you live yet. How would you write an action scene where
someone can control time? Oh, well there’s all sorts of stuff you
can do! Like, maybe you could have her get hit a couple
times, but then rewind time to before that’d happened and then dodge all the attacks effortlessly,
like Shulk with the Monado! Or maybe when Nymph shoots an attack, you
rewind Ikaros to be in the path of the attack so she gets hit by it instead. Or depending on how the Time Reversal works,
rewind Astraea until she’s either a baby or a lug nut. Yeah – no. In the movie “Control Of Time” equals
“Force Pushing them around”, and that’s not time control you paleolithic dick squirts! That’s psychokinesis from Destroy All Humans! So Nymph decides they have to destroy Hiyori,
saying that no one will be hurt by it, until Tomoki shows up and goes, “No, you’ll
be hurt by it.”, which is ONCE AGAIN, a scene pulled from the manga that falls completely
flat here because they made paper angels with the original script! So Nymph decides to hack into Hiyori by headpatting
her, but “Oh no!” Hiyori’s been equipped with Anti-Headpat
technology! And instead of Nymph having a big emotional
character moment, Tomoki ordering her not to lose, and activating Pandora to win – instead
she just gets thrown back and, “Oh, that didn’t work. I guess we’ll try something else.”. … excuse me grab a pillow to scream into. [MMMMMMMMMMMM] Okay so, the big crichendo of Nymph’s entire
character arc? Yeah, they just cut that. It’s gone. Oh they kept in all the buildup, don’t worry
about that – they even have a scene where Nymph flashes back to all her horrible moments
with Minos, which in the manga, was supposed to symbolize Minos trying to reactive her
original Imprinting – they keep THAT even though they remove the plotline that made
it at all relevant. So after the hacking plotline fails, never
to be brought up again, they decide to blow up the clock, which does work, but it turns
out Hiyori’s got a self-destruct thing in her, which causes Nymph to say, and I am QUOTING
here, “Oh no! If Hiyori exceeds a critical point in the
spatio temporal buffer, it’s possible that space in this whole area will be annihilated!” Which, whatever the fuck the bullshit Star
Trek technobabble means aside, is basically that if she blows up, everything else around
her will be destroyed too. Keep that in mind. So Ikaros decides to active Aegis around her,
which Nymph says will contain it, even though I’m pretty sure Aegis was designed to protect
from explosions, not annihilations in the spatio temporal buffer, again, whatever the
fuck that means, but hey, Nymph says it’ll work. But, “Uh oh!”, Ikaros locked herself inside! So get this, Ikaros wants to die with Hiyori
because, “We’re the same. We were both given power we didn’t ask for.” as she flashes back to all the time they spent
together, like, that one date where they retconned the watermelon thing… that’s literally
it…. But then Tomoki comes flying in from offscreen,
and jumps into the Aegis. The Aegis which by the way, apparently lets
him FLOAT now. Kind of a weird design decision there Daedalus,
allowing Aegis to let people inside it float for no reason, considering how it was only
going to be used by an Angeloid WHO COULD ALREADY FUCKING FLY. Come on, power-on through, you can do it. So Tomoki shows Hiyori her hair bells, which
causes her to regain her personality, because I’m pretty sure the writer of this crap
is 10 years old. So in her last moments before she explodes. Hiyori hacks Ikaros, and like the car scene
from earlier, I DARE anyone to tell me why that happens, then kisses Tomoki, flies up
into the air, and explodes. Wow, well that’s awful! Ikaros’s Aegis is down! She’ll destroy the whole town, or fuck,
the country! Well… let’s see that annihilation in the
spatio temporal buffer! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? That was the big threat we were trying to
stop? THAT? “Completely annihilate the surrounding area”,
fuck. I COULD’VE DONE MORE DAMAGE TO THE SURROUNDING
AREA WITH A FUCKING WATER GUN. And then the movie just ends. Yup, just ends, right there. And unlike the manga, Hiyori’s dead. Yeah, there she becomes a main character,
and we see her all the time, and she plays an instrumental role in Chaos’s arc, but
now she’s just dead. Fuck you. End of movie. No refunds. Except maybe not, because there is an after-credits
scene, which is unintentionally HILARIOUS. I want you to watch it, and try and count
how many different emotions Tomoki goes through in the span of 10 seconds. [Scene] I swear to Christ this animation is
on par with the Zelda CDI games. So Hiyori’s alive – or maybe she’s not. “How?” who knows, “Why?” who the fuck
cares, THE FUCKING END, THANK CHRIST. You know, traditionally, this is when The
Nostalgia Critic or Spoony or whoever would do a wrap up of everything wrong with the
movie, but… what the fuck was was RIGHT with this movie? As an adaptation, this fails miserably. Over HALF of this quote on quote “movie”
was just stolen footage from the TV anime strung together by the most pointless and
half-assed retcons imaginable. So many scenes were moved around for no reason
making them infinitely worse, or just plain cut out that the whole thing only vaguely
resembles the original source material . Hiyori’s somehow even more boring here than she was
in the manga, which has gotta be worth some kind of award, and all the changes they make
to her and her arc only serve to make her even LESS interesting, Nymph’s was written
widely out of character, Chaos was written out of it all together because I’m pretty
sure by this point, the writers were trying to piss specifically me off, and the ending
is a clusterfuck. SnO should NOT end on someone dying, because
that is so wildly out of tone for this series. You can HAVE characters die, and I’d say
that some of the best moments of the manga are of that happening, but there’s gotta
be a happy ending eventually because otherwise the tone goes flying out the window and all
the preceding comedy seems wildly out of place in lue of the tragedy you know is waiting
at the end. And it speaks to just how truely low the writing
sunk that they DID end up bringing Hiyori back to life after the credits, Too late to
save the tone, and with zero explanation, as some pathetic way to keep the Hiyori fanboys
that don’t exist from burning down their studio. You know, it is legitimately difficult to
think of an element of the film that wasn’t fucked up some way or another. OH! You know what? There was one thing, one single scene I did
enjoy. Here it is. There ya go folks! The one single joke that made me smile. The only good 5 seconds in the hour and a
half never ending nightmare of ruined dreams, crushed ambitions, and the creators pissing
on my fucking face. But you know what the sad thing is? Even if I take out my personal love for the
series, like I pretend to watch it not being familiar with the manga and only vaguely a
fan of the show, it is just so completely FUCKED on even the basic level of being an
enjoyable self-contained movie! Despite only being 90 minutes long, the whole
thing feels like the biggest slog to get through, thanks in no small part to the 45 minute recap,
but even after that, it’s just filler scene after filler scene, eventually leading to
a 10 minute climax that’s over just as soon as it started. It’s full of scenes that go nowhere, characters
I don’t know doing things I don’t care about, shots that feel like they were only
left in because someone forgot to remove them, shitty writing, boring characters, terrible
action scenes, a nonsensical story, and plot holes as far the eye can see! And speaking of plotholes, it’s time FOR
THE LIGHTNING ROUND. Every nitpick I had to skip, brought back
as fast as possible and crammed down the movie’s fucking throat until it explodes in a shower
of viscera. In that opening action scene you probably
instantly forgot about because of how pointless it was, they actually cut the funniest bit
of it, where Tomoki combines with the chickens into a giant chicken Tomoki to fight Sohora. When explaining the Angeloids during her recap,
Daedalus starts with Chaos, and then works her way through the rest in reverse order,
which would give any uninformed viewer the impression that Chaos is the main Angeloid. Which I of course, agree with, but still. Also, during that scene, Daedalus calls Ikaros,
“The mightiest of all the Angeloids.”, which is blatantly no longer true now that
Chaos exists. It’s insane how jarring the cuts to Season
1 are, because they’re of such vastly different quality to the movie which was made 3 years
later with a much bigger budget. Hey it’s two characters that are relevant
in the manga but not in the anime. Glad we took the time out to introduce them
by name, but none of the fucking Angeloids! In this scene Hiyori says, “Wow, he’s
so amazing!” but how do you get “Tomoki’s amazing” from Ikaros singing really well? The recap is told from Hiyori’s perspective,
yet we have a flashback to a scene she couldn’t possibly know about. The recap also never tells the audience that
Nymph broke away from Minos, so it’s entirely possible you went through the movie assuming
this was still a regular thing. Don’t you love whimsically looking at your
crush about to be killed by a snake. In the manga, Astraea made a hole and sat
in it, so the joke made sense. She didn’t fucking dig a tunnel to Alboqoquiy. Tomoki for some reason keeps bullying Hiyori
and trying to make her quit AFTER his epiphany that he what he’s doing was wrong. It’s so fuking stupid that Tomoki’s motto
during this arc is, “I will never forget her.” which is supposed to be aimed at the Synapse’s
attempt to forcibly erase his memory of Hiyori, but then the movie adds a plot line where
they actually met as a children, and he literally DID just casually forget her for no reason. This isn’t really a complaint, but what
is it with anime girls named Hiyori getting hit by trucks? It happened in Mekakucity Actors, then in
Noragami, and now Heaven’s Lost Property. Is that name Hiyori synonymous with the Japanese
word for roadkill? When Hiyori steps out of her pod, why doesn’t
she have wings? That’s Hiyori’s Angel, not another Carbon
Copy – she should have wings right now! How did Tomoki know to come to this exact
spot in the middle of nowhere after waking up? Random panty shot in an action scene. You know I insulted Shakugan no Shana for
pulling this shit a few videos ago. Once she get her personality back, couldn’t
she just rewind time to before she became an Angeloid? And finally, one last FUCK YOU to this piece
of shit movie! … I did it… I fucking did it… I got through EVERYTHING WRONG with this fucking
movie. I – OH FUCK I forgot. Oh no, oh GOD no. I forgot I still have THAT PIECE OF SHIT TO
GET THROUGH. Someone kill me, someone please come to my
house and shoot me in the fucking head…. Continued in Part 9…

100 thoughts on “A Clockwork Disaster – A Love Letter To Heaven’s Lost Property [Part 8]

  1. Syy please, we don't deserve this but we will gladly take it

  2. I torrented the series a while ago from the description of the first episode of your thesis

    This movie was absolute bullshit

  3. Holy shit this is about 20 minutes shy of the length of the actual movie

  4. YEAAA BITCH, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

  5. I asume they messed up the last part because they wanted to rush into some kind of ending because of how hard and expensive the characters are to animate , good artists, bad writters, that, or Idk (I am talking about the people of the anime)

    but, so long as you get out that pain it brought out, complain as much as you want

  6. FiggerNaggot

  7. WHAT?? AN HOUR OF SYY RANTING ABOUT ANIME?? SIGN ME UP!!

  8. I was lucky, I watche dthis movie at kissanime, I could skip scenes I already have seen

  9. Oh hell yeah, my body is ready

  10. 51:09
    when i saw it, i thought, (and i still think) , that scene was meant to be the TV show they where watching on the room….ik, its not too clear, and is still so abrupt and has no real reason to be there, but that was my conclusion when i watched that scene for about the 3rd time.

    (yes, i watched this more then once,
    no, i hadn’t watched the manga at the time so i didn’t know any better)

  11. After being shocked to know that someone stole an airliner in Seattle and took it flying some stunts before hitting the ground few hours ago, I was shocked again to see my subscription notifications ‘Syy has uploaded a new video of the love letters for Heaven’s Lost Property ‘
    Today , this world really impressed me

  12. I just finish watching this anime why didn’t they make a season 3 this is so my life

  13. 1:1:40.
    to deactivate Ikaros ageis…. thats how i saw it…… (. listen im just taking the dare (^-^*). )

  14. Syy will you do anything talking about the end of the manga?

  15. This made me more excited to watch and more satisfied after watching than todays episode of the MHA-dub. And thats saying something.
    Really looking forward to Part 9, keep up the great work!

  16. I just watched this because of you and it was interesting

  17. So syy completely unrelated but have you watched Elfen Lied and you're thoughts imo it's easily in my top 5 but I haven't watched many different animes so people may think my taste is trash

  18. Burger King is way better than MacDonald's! I can actually eat there.

  19. One issue you forgot to mention, which is one of the biggest middle fingers to me personally as someone who's favourite character in the show is Ikaros, is when Tomoki says that Hiyori was "the first girl who told me she loved me"…even though Ikaros confessed her true feelings to him at the end of Season 1 (like, she literally said "I love you" as her last words before leaving him to go off and risk her life, which is huge for her considering how she is with expressing emotions and feelings), before going off to save Nymph from the Harpies.

    I haven't gotten around to the manga yet so I don't know if Ikaros said it there and if so, if they still ignore it for Hiyori, but as someone who watched the anime and really loved the relationship and dynamic between Tomoki and Ikaros, that moment in the movie was a HUGE middle finger, and made Hiyori feel like someone's lame self-insert OC. Let's just have the male protagonist forget his experiences with the main female protagonist and love interest of the entire series, all so we can artificially make his relationship with this new girl seem more romantic than it really is. Nope, can't possibly see a problem there.

    What makes it worse is how bland Hiyori is and how especially bad her arc was handled in the movie.

  20. 👀👀👀👀

  21. Thank you Syy!

  22. Car commercial 😤

  23. Syy, this is your best video yet. Goddamn. You finally convinced me to read the fuckin manga, too.

  24. Anti-HeadPat:0

  25. Yeah… I'm glad I went with the Manga after Season 1 due to time constraints for me.

    (Also the shirt is AWESOME. I wore it the first day I got it. :D)

  26. This shit gives me trust issues. I only read manga now-a-days because I got screwed way too many times by horrible adaptations.

  27. Also back off you loli loving bitch, Hiyori is my favorite character from the manga

  28. Syy Bring back the livestreams please!

  29. Interestingly this is the highest rated part of heavens lost property on mal

  30. what chapter do I start with ?

    also, it's funny when you point out flaws of this things

  31. I have no particular skill dissecting media (even when i actively try to critique it), as i tend to watch shows and movies while doing artwork, glancing over at the screen every few seconds to catch a glimpse of what's happening, and listening to the audio. Even as such a casual viewer, and even before i read the manga, i could tell that SnO's two movies were garbage.

    Clockwork Angeloid bored me to death with a long, wallowing, unfocused recap, and then confused me with the inconsistent tone, spliced scenes, and rushed ending. I enjoyed a few parts, such as when Nymph was asking to imprint on Tomoki, but the whole experience was like trying to find a few chocolate buttons in a large pile of sawdust: not an overly "unpleasant" task, but you come away thinking that there are probably easier ways to get what you want than digging through an unstructured, dry, wooden mess. It was certainly not the ribbon-decorated box of assorted truffles that Season 1 was.

    Eternal My Master… even before i read the manga, i knew that this was a complete clusterfuck of a story. To be charitable, it's what you get when you put a half-decent SnO Season 3 into a food blender, and then scoop out all of the good bits from the resulting lumpy slop. The opening and closing scenes with Ikaros and Tomoki HAVE NO CONTEXT, and the rest of the story consists mostly of poorly-handled comedy moments, except directed by a brain-damaged lemur who decided to remove all the punchlines. As with Clockwork Angeloid, the character-building moments are also flattened by the removal of key narrative moments and butchered dialogue. Even without the manga for reference, i was severely disappointed.

    To compare it to another piece of media, Eternal My Master is like watching a horrifically-cut version of Return of the Jedi: Luke using unexplained force powers, LOTS of Ewok scenes, the Emperor being cheesy, Boba Fett dying apropos of nothing, etc. The movie opens in medias res during the Battle of Endor, where Leia gets shot in the arm, and the climax of the movie is when Han tells Leia he loves her, before cutting abruptly to a shot of the exploding shield bunker just before the credits roll. All this without any context whatsoever.
    I know that's a shit comparison, but it's what makes sense to me.

    Having since read the manga (partly at your recommendation, Syy, and partly subdue my own heartbreak and rage), i'm so glad the source material did everything right that the show did wrong. Everything suddenly MADE SENSE, with every character and story detail suddenly feeling much more satisfying. Eternal My Master's bizarre "bookends" finally had context, and i immediately appreciated the scale and depth of the story that SnO was trying to tell.
    By the end of the manga, i was absolutely in tears. As an aside, SnO manages to have significant character deaths AND a totally happy ending without being cheesy or inconsistent. Other media pulling the same trick might be accused of "trying to have their cake and eat it, too", but SnO works damn hard for its meaningful ending with superb character build-up and use of foreshadowing. It remains my favourite manga to this day.

    Sorry, this got out of hand. Thanks for reading this far.

    (P.S. I'm still paying off the property damage from the rampage i went on after reading the manga and realising, after looking back at Forte, just how much the show fucked up Chaos.)

  32. based syy
    this "movie" really is the worst thing since cancer.

  33. I've been waiting for this

  34. Please tell me I'm not the only one who recognizes Beethoven's 9th Symphony (and why he picked that song specifically) when Syy was ranting on the nitpicks.

  35. You don't complain much for me

  36. And holy crap almost all of the movie was just season 2.But just some small details that were changed

  37. And hopefully they won't do it with other anime

  38. o shit syy is cynical because of sno going to shit, we finally know the backstory to fully appreciate this character. With this alongside Digi's Gonzo Journalism arc coming to a close, the Youtube canon is really starting to get interesting…

  39. Aaaand… where was the promised furthered plot?!?

  40. Syyyyyyyy, I love your videos so much. I fell in love with SnO, and got Chibi Ikaros tatted. Getting Nymph done as well. It's a really cute anime I got into before a lot of the others I've watched but I love how you do a super in depth analysis. Love your work and I always want to support (even though I can't donate money), I love what you do for my favorite underrated anime. ♡♡♡
    Much love.

  41. Ugh none of my friends will watch this anime even though it’s my favorite and it’s literally the most disappointing thing. They won’t even watch the first video in this series {which happens to be my favorite YouTube series ever, how fitting}

  42. Wait, this movie has 40 minutes of useless recap and it still somehow has 7.77 on MAL? What the fuck ?

  43. What did I take away from that entire hour, ten minute long video? That you say "pell-ow" instead of "pillow". Like a loooooooser.

    But yeah, a great edition to the series. Love all the random truck scenes.

  44. Why don’t you have a patron ?

  45. The fucking car scenes though

  46. I dont remember gonna be the twin tail looking all that bad but i also heard that it looked better on the blue ray release or something like that so mabey the illegal version i saw was that

  47. The explanation for the car is most probably it's the one they're using when going to the eye of the storm had they actually did this movie properly.

    Regarding her attacks, know that space and time are very much intertwined with each other. So much so that you can't interact with one without also affecting the other. In fact, it's the current explanation on what's happening when we're observing "gravity." It's just objects bending space-time. Basically, time, space, or gravity manipulation are the most OP powers there is in any fiction while being the different sides of the same coin because it's, in essence, reality warp. I suspect that they didn't use the "time component" of her powers here simply because it'd be too OP (THAT and the fact that writers fucked this adaptation up).

    When all's said and done, this is a bad adaptation. 5 minutes in and I'm already aware that it'd be a very bad movie so I didn't continue and I'm so glad I made that decision. I'm just disappointed to know that it's even worse than I anticipated back then. I've watched this anime since it first aired and read the manga since the first few chapters were translated. I know that there is great potential for this series. Alas, it's not meant to be.

    BTW, I often hear you praise the author in the earlier parts, but seeing his current work (Plunderer), I'm not sure if SnO is a one-off or just that he has a terrible editor this time.

  48. Damn I watched the first video in this series and reread the manga

  49. 44:30 WHY THE HELL AM I TEARING UP!?

  50. Who else wants a shirt that says “ IN THE MANGA!”

  51. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go5wle3_G5k

  52. Glad someone is finally showing just how good the manga is. So excited for Plunderer though.

  53. Honestly besides the boring unnecessary recap I actually ended up loving this movie even though the Hiyori arc in the manga was better. Still it could've been a lot better if they adapted the entire arc faithfully into a 90 minute movie

  54. So would you say sno is the best Manga you ever read?

  55. holy fucking shit i just killed you

  56. It's an ass pull but the other 4 cages could have type Alpha angeliods in them with a potential power to rival Ikaros, The Uranus Queen. They most likely vary in appearance and weaponry but share a similar base to build off of like how both harpies are type Gamma. Ikaros is the strongest of the alpha sporting her own title

  57. when you bitch about a 40 min recap scene for 30 min

  58. this doesn't seem like a love letter enymore…

  59. 2 minutes into the recap I realized what was happening and skipped like halfway through the movie and it wasent even over

  60. Poor syy. Only mumky can do anime reviews!

  61. If you look at chapter 40 page 17 tomoki said that nymph was crying too much so tomoki pertended that he forgot no because he is the main character

  62. I unsubbed awhile back, I just found your channel again, cause I’m personally not interested in your content anymore but I remember you saying some shit about you having to stop making videos cause your parents or something, just stopped by to say I’m glad you’re doing what makes you happy never stop the grind ✊️

  63. I missed this show where season 3

  64. 44:00 "Main Character Powers" – Tomoki actually said he pretended to have forgotten so Nymph would quiet down. I'm shocked you didn't include that in your video. I still see the Manga as pretty darn perfect imo X3 even with this strange memory thing.

  65. https://youtu.be/uyC9pGr03Pc

  66. Me 200! 200 iz me!

  67. Hey, uh, hows part 9 coming?

  68. I haven't even seen one episode of this anime, but i'm invested in this series…

  69. Now I have realized

  70. Waiting for part nine

  71. I need Part 9

  72. Buy my shirt

  73. if he's gonna upload a video its definetly gonna be deltarune

  74. Will you do a video on the Eternal My Master movie?

  75. Post again please I miss you

  76. It's been too long…

  77. Make the new one already!

  78. Dude thank u so much u explained every single thing that the movie had fuck up on, the writers should have justed made the movie directly from the Monga.

  79. I think the reason this channel died is because you didn't give your audience what they wanted. You were at the height of your channel when you covered interesting videogame info, but now all you focus on is anime. Most people didn't come to your channel for that.

  80. This is a tad but overkill but I think it does SnO justice

  81. You really wish that heaven Lost Property was can't come back again but only coming back is that how you say that in the comic books that's that's your new episode right there she's in 2 3 4 5 6 and 7 sadly but it's not a going to be at a cartoon but it's a cartoon only for comic books and other things so I know that you really want to bring it back Heaven Lost Property so badly because this is your favorite animation including this is my favorite favorite animation 2 Heaven Lost Property I remember when I was a kid came out somewhere like in 2004 or 2006 or 7 I don't know but it was a great one so this is why I was a hit but sometimes that it Japan over the mistake they could do stuff all over again you know Today right now

  82. I'm glad your doing what you like syy. I watched sno back in 2013. I read the Manga recently and found it way better then the anime.

  83. Is Syy legitimately dead? ;-; Where have you gone?

  84. Spoony…?

  85. hey Syy are yo ok mate you haven't uploaded anything for 6 months.
    edit: now 7 months

  86. Still waiting for part nine

  87. Is this a channel dedicated to the best anime ever?
    Dank

  88. How much did people donate to Syy for him to make this shit?

  89. Not only is this video late as hell for an anime that came out years ago i mean years but this guy is a salty ass FUCKING WEEB!!!

  90. You know what sad this is more fun than watching the fucking movie.
    Also, I got so angry at the movie's recaps… can't wait till you do the Love Letter to the 2nd movie.
    As you know its even worse. keep it up 😀

    I wish you would make a series on reading the manga as its really well explained when you do.
    I do understand it might not be done to the terms of youtube but it would be nice if you could.

  91. Another reason i hate manga and manga readers, they hate everything because its not like their precious manga. Sit the fuck down and stop ruining for everyone else. I disliked the movie because 40 minutes where recap and i just hate how Tomoki is fucking retarded and didn’t acknowledge Ikaros’s love. And lets not talk about Eternal My Master because well they ran out of budget and skipped everything because they couldn’t make a season 3 sadly. But still manga readers should just sit down and stop hating on every little detail that’s off about an anime, yes it might be an adaptation of the manga so it should be on point but there are people like me who detest reading or just prefer watching anime only peacefully knock knock knock its us, the fucking manga readers here to talk shit about the stuff you enjoy Y A Y

  92. Heaven's Lost Property relationship and ending spoilers ahead.

    Im 9 months late but. I stopped watching Sora no Otoshimono at Ep 10 to check the manga and see if i get what i want. There i found out everyone from Tomoki household except Tomoki kicked the bucket, Ikaros' death made it quite difficult for me to breathe, after a couple of pages everyone came back to life= YAY! ; Shortly afterwards i got to know they didnt lose their memories because other angeliods asked Ikaros about what happened, she remembered her confession, got embarrassed, left without a word and locked herself up in a bullding she made forherself in the garden= Even Bigger YAY! ; Tomoki decided to talk with Ikaros and make things clear= I had gotten ready for my mental orgies ; But the other girls of course misunderstood and were trying to prevent him from reaching Ikaros cuz they thought he might order her to lewdz, Tomoki's head got hit multiple times by wide variety of objects. And when he finally reached Ikaros he realized he forgot what he wanted to say, turned around and bounced as if nothing happened. I thought i would eat my PC out of frustration, despair, anger and every negative emotion you can think of

    After this witnessing this kind of bullshit theres no way in hell i would ever watch/read anything from this studio ever again. And i got the bullshit alarm confirmed when i heard Syy's lines from 4:07 to 4:22

  93. I never actually watched the movie because I thought it was a full compilation of the series

  94. I'm just really sad that they changed the movie from the manga, so many changes. She wasn't supposed to die! And why was season three canceled!!!!! Why was it replaced with the movie Instead!? Can someone please tell me why, I mean I'm really sad they moved was like this but not only that, they never continued the series.
    Someone please tell me why they never created season 3????!!!

  95. imagine having your child dragging you to watch an ecchi anime movie with big tit angels

  96. Heres how to recap.
    Girl falls from sky
    Than falls on guy
    P.s fan service is fap service
    To achive the max fpe Faps Per Episode

  97. HEY DONT SHIT ON STAR WARS EPISODE 3 (it wasn’t that bad)

  98. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOU NARRATE THE WHOLE MANGA like start to finish like reading it with your narrations to tell us whats going on in greater detail

  99. Ain't got nothing on Kurumi.

  100. 1:10:35 your continued misery brings me much joy please continue

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